MMVIII <3

So this is the last night of the year. Cue the nostalgic shout-outs, lists of things to do in the upcoming year, and check marks next to things that have already been done the past 365 days. this is kind of a mix of all of that.

I made a list at the beginning of the summer, next to someone who at the time mattered a lot to me. The list taught me a few things.

-One is that while some people might mean the world to you one day, they might not mean a thing tomorrow. They can cut you down and hurt you when you have no intention of ever harming them. Then there are people who would never dream of doing that to you and are there for you in the middle of the night for reassurance.

-The second thing is that I need to be ready to try anything at anytime. That's been extremely relevant to me lately. I feel like I've met more people, tried more things and went more places because of the list, or at least the concept. Maybe one of the most important things I was told this summer was by someone who might not have realized the impact this would cause. Billy told me one night, probably aided by a few beers and some mosquito bites... something about how he lives for himself and doesn't give a shit about anyone else. While I'm far from not caring about anyone, I'm paying attention to the first part of that. I value my friend's and family's opinions, but anyone else's... not as much.

-"some friends become family" When I say that my family matters to me more than anything or anyone else, I mean my relatives and all that, but also the friends who over the years and months have become like family to me. I've been through a lot of shit this year, and there have been people who have helped me in ways I can never thank them enough for. Whether it's driving in the middle of the night somewhere to sit and talk because I can't sleep, helping distract me, or keeping my head up when I don't have the strength to stay positive for myself.

-And there's my real family, who by law up until last April had to be around me, and now they still choose to be. My mom and dad have been my sanity (and insanity) over the past few weeks especially since I've been sick almost all of break... When I'd pass out every time I stood up my parents propped me up on the couch and watched endless hours of What Not to Wear with me. My mom drives to eat lunch with me on my breaks so I have someone to chat with about filing papers, and they both supported me when I quit the job I hated more than anything two days into winter break without a backup. And naturally, they found me a sweet new job.

-I feel like there have been times this year that I've been knocked to my knees and have to lie to myself to stay optimistic. I think, if anything, this year has been very important to me because I seem to have found a lot of faith in day to day things, and even more so when things have been absolutely horrible. I realized that yeah, stuff sucked at the moment, but God has a plan, and for once I'm going to stop trying to control things and just let him do it.

- <3

So here's to another list.

in 2009..
-get closer to fluent spanish and greek
-skydive
-save money
-visit spain, italy, croatia and greece (i put this one since i know that will actually be happening, and i want to complete something on this list.. hahaha)
-roadtrip with friends
-get baptized



And yeah, I'll get around to tagging this in 2009..

<3
have a happy, safe and fun new year's eve, and of course, an amazing 2009.

"one of the interns can help you"

i was referred to today at work as, "one of the interns" by someone in the office.

that non-personable, somewhat unfriendly term made me smile for most of the afternoon. of course, i am just an intern... i'm a college freshman who lucked out getting a job two days into winter break because of my parents, but i have a coveted internship at one of the top public works engineering firms in the country. for some reason, that seems so professional, like an internship somewhere that people have careers is everything i strived towards in high school, and now i finally have it.

however.. i don't want to be an engineer. but i'm perfectly happy

five pm.

I can never manage to quiet my mind, especially right before important events- you know, birthdays, tests, the first day of college, a new job, etc. Naturally, after sleeping till noon for the past week I've been off for break, the only night I have a hard time falling asleep is the night before I have to start my new job at 9am. 

trying to quiet my thoughts?:

-i need to knit myself a slouchy hat kind of thing

-my room needs to be rearranged so that i can drag the futon into there

-i can't stop thinking about random college stories i need to tell so someone can laugh with me

let's...

......drive to california. we'll pose under the arch in st. louis, eat at a diner somewhere in the middle of nowhere, we can watch the midwest fly past us on the highway. albuquerque, we will find is probably as strange as its name. we can cliff jump in sedona and stand at the end of the grand canyon. we can take more than enough pictures and drink too much coffee. conversation will never run out and we'll all realize that these are the best friends we could ever hope to find. we can detour up to bullhead city and listen to umphrey's around a fire in the middle of the desert. and then we'd find ourselves standing on the edge of the left coast, toes in the sand, full of california dreaming. we'll have a million words, just as many pictures, and more than enough memories of the trip to last a lifetime. there will be fast food wrappers crumpled on the floor, photos of "welcome to the beautiful state of:" and small things picked up along the way. our bodies will be sore from sitting for so long, but really, it's only 2,300 miles from chicago to long beach... so let's go.