do SOMETHING

I feel like I would be awful at meditating. Trust me, I've tried it and it did not go well. I simply cannot be still. I can't quiet my thoughts, I dislike being alone and I always seem to have music on. The only time I can really handle still is when I'm falling asleep, and that's because my mind is running so that my stereo is not.
It's almost as though I can't function without giving myself something to worry about- whether it's my GPA, if I'll be able to run for long enough tomorrow, or simple, meaningless things such as how my room will be laid out next year. Interestingly, I have a hard time thinking about the things that really matter as they are happening- that maybe I don't need to buy whatever shoes I'm trying on, or that by being really blunt about something I might not be helping the situation.
Mostly, I feel that even though my mind is always moving at a thousand miles an hour, that I don't get to write as much anymore. I don't get to sit outside and just enjoy the breeze. And the obvious, I don't get to take long baths on Sunday nights anymore. I have this urge to be perpetually in motion. Sometimes I feel like my obsessive planning is a good thing, and other times, at the end of the night it has completely worn me out. I'm not sure what the point I'm trying to make is even.
I recall a text I got earlier this week when I turned my phone on, from a number that was not in my phone book saying "Your writing is beautiful." All I've ever wanted to do is create something beautiful. Words, pictures, a concept. I feel like I'm so close to achieving everything I've ever wanted to do. The more I am in motion, the sooner I will get there. The simple reason why I make lists like its my job.. the more I can see where I want to be, the easier it is for me to envision it. I feel like it is no coincidence that last summer was the best summer I've had when I made a list of things I wanted to experience at the beginning. By no means do I live off a list, in fact, I'm pretty spontaneous, but guidelines can get you anywhere you want to be. I feel like I'm alright at letting go of things that are unattainable. I'm even better at setting a goal for myself and going above and beyond it. However, I'm always terrible at ending things.


<3

so much of the time there's a lot running through my head and i can never get a moment to capture it all down.

a lot has changed in the past few weeks.

i've realized that the friends i have back home will always have my back, no matter how many miles are put between us. 

i've realized that more than anything, i love being kissed on the forehead.

i've realized that i cannot wait for the weather to warm up

and that i need to set aside more time for myself, no matter how much i dislike being alone.

that is all.