red is the color of the sun with my eyes closed

I like cyclical idioms. Like "it is what is is" and "all we are we are." I like to take solace in sayings like that, because that and the time I spent on the elliptical are about all I seem to have control over at this point. I really really have come to hate nights like this, when I don't have anything I absolutely need to be doing. Nine times out of ten, some song I used to love sophomore year of high school comes on, and I get in this miserable mood where I can't tell if I'm happy or the complete opposite. In the midst of all this, I realize that there actually are things I should be doing, things I should be saying, etc., but I lose the drive to actually do them. I can't get the question out of my head, if I should be crying over the lack of control or happy at everything I've been given. Who the hell knows.