As soon as I get home and can spread out on my cloud of a bed, I feel like I can't do anything but write. I want to travel the world and write about what I see, but I worry that I will never be able to compose thoughts as much as I can when I am right here. What if that really is the case? Can I see more clearly when I am in my room at home, with it's blue walls and a novice attempt to paint myself into some exotic destination? Or is it that when I am at home, away from the rest of my life, per say, I can see things from a different perspective?
I think that while looking at things from a different perspective, I'm finally realizing the magnitude of my actions. As of lately, let's say, the past two months, I've adopted an attitude that is all too familiar. I seem to get my heart stepped on by someone who is less than deserving of it to begin with, and in the weeks to follow I set out to prove to everyone that I don't give a shit to cover up for how much or how little I do care. I feel like the past few weeks are reminiscent of the last weeks of summer and my whole carpe diem approach to things. I find myself being openly critical and a little too honest about things. With that attitude, I'm realizing that even the smallest thing is important.
But back to feeling bad. I feel bad that I have so much when others do not. I feel bad about my actions towards certain people. I feel really bad about my actions towards certain people. I feel bad that I do not see my family as much as I would like to. I feel bad when I convince myself to cut a run short. I feel bad that I write things I wish I could share, but am too afraid of how certain people might take it.
I feel less bad because I volunteer as much as I can. I feel less bad because I am always willing to apologize when I have done something wrong. I feel less bad because I can reminisce and see the goodness in people that I may not like anymore. I feel less bad when my family all gets together and laughs for hours straight. I feel less bad when I wake up and can actually stand without my legs being sore. I feel less bad when I post everything I write to a blog that no one knows about.



sleep.